i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
