I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
