So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
