some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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