he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
