I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
