yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
