Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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