just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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