five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize