It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize