Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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