All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
