We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wow bdsm is so cute
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