2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
