She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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