so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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