lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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