all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
