just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
