Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
