there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
