we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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