dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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