i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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