and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a hot homeless man
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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