Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
