I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
