I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
third nipple confirmed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
