Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
