you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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