i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
