He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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