2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
