I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
