why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
