also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will be naked everywhere
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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