your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
