My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
