Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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