We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Damn victory sex feels great
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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