Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
