i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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