Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
