i'm signing you up for texting rehab
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
