Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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