it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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