i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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