The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
