Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I want a musical about memes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
