Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
