So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
