And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
