As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
