Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
