Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
