Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
