So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
