Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
