i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
