is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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