I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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