im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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