Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize