we have officially lost it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
