I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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