So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
