I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
