Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
