She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
