Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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