if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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