Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
