It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
