mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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