no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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