Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
