well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
