Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So squirting runs in the family.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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