Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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