You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
