Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
COCAINE IS GR8
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
