Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
