I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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