Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
