someone get that fucking seahorse.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
